Gators don't sweat.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

No free coffee makes Pettus go crazy!

One of my favorite Chicago bloggers is Jason Pettus. Reading his blog is a bit like watching a train wreck in slow motion, but the comparison only holds if, in this case, the train doesn't realize it's careening off the tracks. Jason is an unemployed former poet and aspiring arts center founder/entrepreneur/monarch. Apparently, he's been learning about business by sitting in Borders, drinking coffee, and reading all of thier books. You know, so he doesn't have to actually buy them.

At any rate, here's the crazy letter he wrote to Borders when they almost refused to take his free coffee punch card. It's hilarious. A couple folks have commented on this already and the comments in those entries are pretty entertaining as well. My favorite was the commenter that pointed to an entry in which Pettus explains why he deosn't like to go to the library. It's communist, creepy, and there aren't enough androgynous hipster girls & boys to flirt with.


  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger Lobstar, at 1:28 PM  

  • Heh. He even inspires people to create "art" from time to time.

    By Blogger Lobstar, at 1:30 PM  

  • Obviously, this man has too much time on his hands, maybe he should just become a Borders employee and get the discount card for coffee. Dipshit.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:51 PM  

  • With the copious amounts of edgy free time one has when you're parents pay your rent but not your food bills, Pettus has expanded his theory in recent posts. Now his anger at ALMOST not getting a free coffee has expanded into revolutionary musings:

    we now want companies to have a relationship with us, to take care of our problems they caused, to treat us with the simple human respect we've developed in the 150 years since slavery first became illegal in this country.

    Ah yes: scoping the chicks at Borders = the plantation.

    I'm convinced that this whole subject is going to progress much the way the Labor movement did in the early 20th century; that is, that things are going to get a whole lot worse and a whole lot bloodier than they are now, before they even begin to start getting better. Like, one of the things that I'm almost positive is going to happen in the next twenty years is the rise of underground "customer vigilante groups"...there will be groups of hundreds, of thousands of people, working in a coordinated way to burn down stores, to break into regional warehouses and ruin product supplies, to sometimes even assassinate CEOs and other smug corporate executives.

    Shoppers of the world unite you have nothing to lose but your chain stores! True justice will not be had until the blood of poorly paid retail workers flows in the streets!

    enjoy your little customer "fuck you" moments right now when you can, because that's all coming to an end a lot sooner than you think; and in the meanwhile, motherfuckers, I'm compiling an enemy list as we speak.

    Y'know, I wouldn't be suprised at all if sometime soon the Sun Times front page reads KILL CRAZY RAMPAGE AT BORDERS.

    By Anonymous coilttesla, at 6:02 PM  

  • i have declared war on him twice and publicly challenged him to a duel once. sadly, no dice.

    By Blogger claude le monde, at 5:45 PM  

  • So glad I work in a business that this man will never enter. Phew!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:23 AM  

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